Reaching for the Light Last evening I had a body work session with Isabelle where she was guiding me in a visualization of softening into the pain of my physical body. Near the end of the session she invited me to reach out to the Divine Mother and Father who were gathered above in a circle of light. I felt some affinity with the Father....imagining my own earthly father...and the tenderness that I had with him in his last years. When it came to the Divine Mother though I had a feeling of blankness descend upon me and I could not go any farther. There was an enormous wall of resistance that came up when Isabelle asked me to literally reach up my arms to these Divine figures. She actually had to guide my arms upwards and although I let her do this I felt not one bit of yearning for this embrace. What was this "No"all about, I wondered?? Years and years of trying to find an affirmation of who I really was from my mother that never was received?? A sense of ultimate betrayal?? A wanting and desire for some validation of myself as woman??
The list goes on and on and even now that my mother is dead I realized that I am still angry and hurt for all these past transgressions. The gift of this realization was that there is a part of me that is wounded and hurt but that there is also another part that can stand alongside of this child self and show her that there is love to be had if we will only reach out for it. This can be a new piece of my homework...to open my heart and let my arms reach for the light of the Divine. To acknowledge that there has been a big ''No"inside of me but that it doesn't have to be there forever. To stay with the Animus and go over the waterfall and not hold back this yearning for love because of wounds from the past.
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