A new doorway...

                                                                   Over the Falls

Last night I was cooking dinner after work when the phone rang. I hate answering the phone while I'm making or eating dinner and a lot of the time I just let it ring. I decided to answer it though and it was my doctor calling from Montpelier Health Center. Now mind you, I had just spent the last day in a state of inner peace that I haven't experienced in a very long while. My session with Christa on Wednesday was incredible in that we worked four dreams all with big heart openings for me. My work of being in the raging river was moving me into a new place and the constant state of fear and anxiety was finally lessening....as well as the depression and despair. I felt so supported by the Animus as I surrendered to the next descent.

And then my doctor tells me that the CA 125 test for cancer that I had in early December has come up positive.  "Not to worry", she says....." these tests are not always accurate but we have scheduled you for an appointment with a gynacological oncologist up in Burlington on the 10th". "Fine", I say and go back to making my tunafish. For the next hour or so I was in a daze. One minute I was feeling like my life was entering a new phase and I was on the road to healing and the next minute I have to face the roller coaster of cancer with all its test, doctors, treatments, etc.
But God works in mysterious ways and because of my new homework I can face this and I will enter a new phase of my life and I will be transformed. It's interesting that the Health Center tried to call me on the 13th December with the results of the test but they couldn't reach me.
So they stopped trying for the holidays, I guess. At any rate I was given time....blessed time...to go into the river without a paddle and feel the fear of going into the unknown and surrender to it. And now my new homework is even more powerful. In the dream I am on a barge with a man that I love and we are trapped. The barge is heading for a huge waterfall and in the dream I scurry around trying to find a way to escape. As we head for the falls I go be with my man and I am ready to go over with him by my side. In the session as I closed my eyes I could feel so strongly being held by Him as we drifted down, down, down amongst the rushing water. In those moments there was only being held by Him....no worrying about what lay ahead, no need to do anything. Christa said the this is my medicine right now and she was so very right.