Breaking out of prison to become the queen......

Being the Queen

                 

This is my work now ....to leave the prison of my pathologic attachments...and to become the Queen with the Animus, the King.  And  to also be the girl who can fly skiing down the hill feeling absolutely free and full of energy and joy.  Both dreams showing me the promise of what life could be if I can face the pain of loss and to look at the stark reality of what the inside of my prison is really like.  Any sane person would have no trouble with this choice.  Who would choose to stay locked in a dark, empty cell with no light, no air, no love...or....to have a loving partner who is totally devoted to me and who treats me the like the Queen that I am? But the former state is the choice that I have been making....by staying tied to someone who is nothing but a mirage of my own mind.

In a moment of clarity and willingness to face my fear of pain, I finally cut the tie to this attachment and started on the road to embracing this new state of being.  I immediately felt a sense of freedom and excitment and my next dreams showed the Animus coming to me with all his love and attention as an affirmation of this decision.  But the days are long, and it is still hard, hard work to stay with this knowing that I did the right thing.  The pathology keeps wanting me to turn back...it plagues my mind with memories of the past...of what could have been, what could be.  I feel the pain of loss a hundred times a day.  I grieve for a lost friend.  I am not free of this torment and heartache....yet.  The other night I watched the movie....Young Victoria...and it was such a beautiful story of true love and of a man who could stand outside the limelight and support his beloved to be all that she could be.  It was so inspiring and so helpful in steering me back to the right path.  It showed me that this is what I want...this is what I need.....on the inside and the outside.  I need the Animus to be my inner anchor and I need a partner who can help me be who all that I can be....the Queen of England and the girl with a heart full of love and joy.  Step by step I am now on the road to this.

And so tomorrow I leave for Maine and my Rooting Shen treatment....Sweeping the Starry Skies of Heaven.
A way out of my entrappment that I hope will sweep away all of these old patterns and all of this physical and mental misery.  Wish me luck .....
love,
Kate