There is some healing happening.....

      "Behind the Wall"

Collage of the children emerging from behind the wall.

Dream:  I am in a house with an over poweringly bad smell.  I look everywhere to find the source and then I notice a section of wall with a secret panel in it.  When I move it aside I see that there is a large room hidden there.  I step inside and there are row upon row of sleeping hammocks with children in them piled one on top of another.  I think that they must all be dead but it seems that some of them are still alive.  I feel horror and pain at the conditions that they are living in..how can this be?  I then discover that the smell is coming from a dead bear.

My work from this dream was to bring those captive children out of the darkness and into the light.  To stand in the doorway and feel the horror, the pain, the compassion, and the sadness.  As these children were parts of my soul that had been hidden away...for one reason, or another...and left to barely survive in the darkness.

"Healing on the cellular level"

"Dr. Wu ~ the Healer"

Dream:  I am at an appointment with a Chinese man named Dr. Wu.  He is middle aged but seems very ancient.  The treatment is unlike anything that I've done before.  Many of his family members are taking part including his wife and son.  I ask the wife who Dr. Wu's teacher was and she tells me very emphatically, that his teacher is inside oh him.  At one point, Dr. Wu asks me to remember something and I recall my dream of the children hidden behind the wall and I start to cry.  Then we go outdoors to take a walk in the snow and my feet are bare. We go up and down this winding road and it feels like I'm skiing on just my
feet...exhilarating.  When we come back to the house, I sit down next to him on a bench and lean close in an intimate way.  My body is then flooded with this erotic energy and I can feel and orgasm coming.  There is some great healing happening inside of me.

My body is demanding more and more rest these days and these new symptoms of dizziness and foggy headedness keep me constantly triggered in feelings of fear and uncertainty.  The Animus though, has come as Dr. Wu and he is here to do his work on me.  The restless energy of always moving, always doing - working - cleaning - whatever, that has plagued me all my life is at last settling down and I can bear to stand still.  Through the work of feeling the horror and the pain of acknowleding the children trapped behind the wall, I have allowed and welcomed new feelings to surface.  The fear is coming more and more into the open so that I can look it in the face and breath my way through it.  Standing still....breathing...leaning into Dr. Wu...that is my work right now.  Amazingly enough, in this new place, I can now face  getting  back to the Yoga mat.  In the past year I  have been so resistant to starting a practice again.  I could not bear the thought of laying still and opening to what might come...but now I am saying "Yes" to whatever feeling may arise and have the willingness to feel them.  It is still an ongoing struggle but I am standing still more and more and experiencing what is going on in the moment.