It's all about the Man.....

 

 

 

A Contented Life

 This past March when I had a Rooting Shen treatment in Maine the "theme" or message from the treatment was that    "it was not about the man!"  In this case, the man was a man in my outer life who I had put in front of my own soul needs and was essentially hiding behind because I was afraid of feeling the pain of loss. The dream that I took to the treatment was about being the Queen -  not standing behind or below the King, but by his side as an equal....and to do this I had to face into my fear of pain.
The work that I did over the next few months was all about coming into the kingdom of my soul self and finding the feelings that I had buried over the course of my life. Much of this work was concerned with facing into trauma pain and taking the steps to turn from the horror to the love.
Now the dreams are reflecting this shift  and I am meeting "the Man" and finding a union with him that surpasses all other experiences that I have had with men in both the inner and outer realms.

Dream:
I am with a group of people  -  some men, some women. There is a man who is a celebrity or prince and all the women want to be with him.  There is also a group of men who want to keep these women away from him.  All kinds of dramas ensue, with the women who try to be with him, and the men who try to keep them away.  I also want to be with him but I stand outside all of this drama and just wait.  I know that he has eyes for me too.  Finally we are in a car - hidden under some blankets while another man drives us away from the drama scene.  We reach for each other under the blankets and I am eager to have him inside of me.  When he does enter me I have an orgasm that feels like an explosion of volcanic energy!  Oblivious to the driver of the car I hold onto my man and keep inside me for what feels like hours.  I wonder and hope that I might get pregnant.  Then the dream  runs forward to the future and shows me married to this man and the mother of three or four children.  I am going off to get my hair cut and he is in the bath.  I ask him to look after the children, who are all running around wildly, and he smiles. I smile in return.  I feel vastly contented with my life.

As I feel into this Divine union with Him I am finding more and more parts of my soul that have been inaccessible to me.  The horror and terror that I witnessed which caused my soul self to flee and lay hidden, are now the portals through which I can pass through to find the myriad of feelings that were denied to me.
I am turning away from the suffering and misery and towards the passion, excitement, the contentedness, and the joy.  I want to feel everything...all the good feelings, and what I judged in the past to be bad.  I want to embrace them all and let them all flow through me.  In my last session with Isabelle she mentioned that there are over 50 feelings that we can experience.  All of them are probably variations on the big three....Fear, Pain and Love...but to me they are wonderous in their variety.  I started to make a list of the feelings that have shown up in my dreams over the years and that I have more or less repressed in preference to staying in the nihilism.  Wonder, awe, bliss, agony, ecstasy, expectation, disappointment, frustration, impatience, rapture, humility, gratitude, generosity, loneliness, compassion, tenderness, boisterous, adored, full, energized, jubilant, cranky, jealousy, envy, angry, scared, horriffed, terrified, scorned, unwanted, shunned,  frozen, numb, radiant, beloved....the list goes on and on.  Oh, what a gift it is to reclaim these parts of myself.  I feel an aliveness in my body and spirit that is new and overwhelmingly beautiful....and it is all because of Him.